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Have you ever had one of those days where you get irritated because someone should have done something or responded in a way you think they should, but they didn’t? Of course, you expected a normal response. No one would have to tell you if you were in their shoes because you would know precisely what to do. But for some mysteriously unknown reason, they don’t. Instead, due to their negligence or inconsiderate self, your mood shifts. Just like that, one bad moment derails your entire day.
It happened to me recently. Except, I’m not the one whose day got ruined. Instead, I was the one who ruined someone’s day. They expected me to act a certain way, and I didn’t. They got upset. Now I’m thinking if that was indeed my fault.
Isn’t it amazing how some minor issues take up so much space in our brain? We entertain a stream of negative thoughts and force control over matters beyond our boundaries. We expect others to think like us and do what we would have done. When they don’t, we get all worked up.
Dwelling on a state of expectation means we likely set ourselves up for disappointment. It is unrealistic expecting others to show up the way we want them to. We intentionally forget that every person is uniquely themselves. They are confident showing up as they are. They are good at being themselves, whether or not we approve of them. We thought they would buck up if we nagged them enough or did them a favor by pointing out their faults. Is it? People will change when they are ready, not when we want them to.
As much as I would like to believe it, no one makes me angry, and nothing can ruin my day unless I allow it. That forces me to stop using blame as a scapegoat. I am responsible for my feelings. If I enter a situation with certain beliefs or expectations, that influences the way I feel. No one is responsible for making me feel a certain way. How I feel is entirely in my control.
Most times, the expectation we harbor runs silently within us. We expect to get the level of attention, care, and support because we believe it’s our right to receive. But wait, if we need something, why don’t we ask? It’s wonderful when others anticipate and fulfill our needs and desires. It’s unreasonable to expect them to constantly know what’s going on in our minds. We have to communicate our needs to those who might be happy to meet them. If they don’t, it’s their prerogative, not ours.
Expectations are one-sided and usually unspoken. We form an idea in our heads about someone without including them in the discussion. We are under the illusion that people should match up to our image of them. We seem so sure about why they ought to follow the path we have determined.
Sure, I get it. Letting go of expectations is not always easy. We expect others to be there for us, know what we’re thinking, and fix the wrongs we are experiencing. We get offended when we fail to get the attention we feel we deserve. That’s just our ego proclaiming self-importance loudly at the top of his lungs.
The blatant truth is no one owes us anything. Expectations set up an attachment to specific outcomes. If we allow those outcomes to determine how we feel, we expose ourselves to unnecessary stress, anxiety, and frustration.
It’s about time we realize other people are not us. Everyone is living for themselves. Their happiness is all they can personally feel. No one has to love, care, or support us. If they do, it’s because they want to, and it makes them feel good. Indeed, it’s not ours by right or that we’re entitled.
It is my responsibility to become my best self. I’ve stopped looking for happiness in another person or any external condition that may lead to disappointment. When life doesn’t match the story I’ve created in my imagination, it’s like a punch in the belly that stops me in my tracks. My day spiraled downward, and I felt defeated. I have since learned that it’s not someone else’s job to make me happy. They are probably struggling, too.
People say if you expect nothing, you can never be disappointed. But we all have expectations, and we need them. Expectations fuel our dreams and expand our vision. We have to be careful to keep them on ourselves and not on another person. Don’t expect others to accommodate us. People will slip up. We learn to make space for the unexpected because, in the grander scheme of things, life is imperfect. So are people. The only power we have is changing our attitudes towards an outcome.
Having a great day is not rocket science. We could stop reacting to every issue when they do not turn out the way we hoped. We can experience serenity rather than resentment if we are more adaptive and flexible. Happiness is about us first and foremost. We're there for ourselves when no one else is. So take a deep breath and keep going.
If you enjoy this post, do leave a comment or feedback below. In the meantime, enjoy this week's selection.
| FROM THE ARCHIVES |
I forget. I forget I was the same kid many years ago who was eager to conquer the moment and seize the day. I allowed this thing called adulthood to get to me. I allowed the humiliations and failures to drag me down, making it difficult to get back up again.
A prose poem — He touched her soul long before she felt his hands on her skin.
I’m the type who will say it all the time and still feel like it’s special. Some people make me feel comfortable expressing myself openly all the time. There are also those who, no matter how close, words just don’t come out right. Perhaps they are the type that prefers to express or receive it through actions.
Then there are nights you illuminate the darkness like fireworks that light up the night sky with your blazing trail. Those are the moments you feel like you’re born to shine. You bloom in emotional warmth, drawing attention to the flames you emit.
♥♥♥
That’s all I have for this week. Talk to you again real soon. Until then, you can find me on Medium, Twitter, Substack, or you can make my day by buying me coffee.
Have a Purposeful Life Now!
It's always my pleasure!
So true, my friend
Sometimes people expect a lot out of us too. I once got disappointed because the person who was sharing her problems with me got an understanding view from me but when I did the same she started shuffling the space and I blocked her immediately. I couldn't be fake with her and more than that I couldn't be fake with myself. I wish expectations criteria was taught to us to keep it with ourselves and nobody else. It would have saved us from lots of hassles.