Photo by Eman Genatilan from Pexels
Sometimes people forget that trusting doesn’t just happen. You need to prove you’re trustworthy before others want to open up and connect. You’d have to show them you genuinely care.
I thought you did. You told me it’s okay to open my heart. Let it flow freely like a river coursing my way through the land without fear of holding back. You encouraged me to catch the gust of wind and ride it because there’s freedom in expressing my authentic self. You said those fearful, cautious, and self-repressed aren’t living at all.
Life is an uphill climb. Despite my best effort to stand tall, I crawl through the muddy trenches of life some days. It’s hard to step beyond my comfort zone when the fire of courage fizzles out. Vulnerability is a dangerous game.
Yet you advised me never to feel ashamed of my emotions. When life trips me up, it’s comforting to have someone share the load. You assured me you cared.
Your presence is likened to a breath of fresh air because it made me feel safe. I took a chance. With a lump forming in my throat, I shut my eyes and leaped. All the seconds of life that bound my mind and chained my soul scattered into oblivion. I exposed my deepest fears and revealed my darkest moments. I put my heart on the line.
For a moment, I felt it. Oh, the dizziness of freedom when I cast off the rusty shackles wrapped around my emotions. I chisel away the protective wall that kept me in. The liberation of parading into the ocean of apprehension is an indescribable feeling. It was so good, and then all at once, it got awkward. The first bombardment revealed my mistake. It felt like a stab to the heart.
You judged me and said I was naive, too sensitive, and overthinking. You proved I’m not the only person having a hard time and urged me to get over it. I thought you cared, but I was wrong. Neither were you attentive. You told me to put on my big girl pants and face it like a grownup. My heart sank to the bottom of the ocean. I do not need to feel worse about myself than I already did.
Vulnerability isn’t my game. I lose faith in people who convinced me to open up and then put me down. I lose hope in people who said they care but lied. With all that remained in me, I crashed again. Why did I let you into my space? My heart no longer beat in the same rhythm it did before. I regretted why I had bothered to say anything at all.
I learned my lesson. In a way, you saved me. You reminded me never again to let my guard down. Often, it’s the closest person that breaks us the hardest. I should have known, but I didn’t. In the end, the joke was on me.
I stop blaming you. I blame myself for trusting. It’s no wonder trust rests on shaky foundations. I guess they always do.
Thank you for joining me. If you’ve enjoyed this piece, do leave a comment or share your thoughts. In the meantime, do enjoy this week’s selected stories.
| HIGHLIGHTS |
Too often, we undermine our ability to adapt. To adapt does not mean to throw in the towel. It means accepting the need for change, unlearning, and relearning. To adapt requires that we view life from a different lens.
I watch the leaves droop under the weight of the droplets and feel the same weight pulling me down.
People may have many claims on what contributes to happiness, but only I know what comes easy for me. Enjoying life my way and appreciating the ordinary everyday moments means living a meaningful life on my terms.
| FROM THE ARCHIVES |
Understand that no one is destined to fail. Certainly not you! You’ve just got to set your eyes upon that which is.
Your story is not over! You will find your way like you always did. You will live again, and dance again. The sun will shine again.
♥♥♥
Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. I truly appreciate it. I hope my words are making a difference and adding to your beautiful life. Until next time, you can find me on Medium, Twitter, and Substack. If you’re feeling generous, a cup of coffee would surely make my day!
Have a Purposeful Life Now!
This makes me cry like hell especially this paragraph: Vulnerability isn’t my game. I lose faith in people who convinced me to open up and then put me down. I lose hope in people who said they care but lied. With all that remained in me, I crashed again. Why did I let you into my space? My heart no longer beat in the same rhythm it did before. I regretted why I had bothered to say anything at all.
Yes, I trusted someone who broke me down and made me feel suicidal. He is striking my mind for the past few weeks, and I have been productively depressed. Yeah. My trauma won't ever go away. I have accepted it, but it doesn't feel good to be down for weeks without any fault of my own. Maybe death will free me someday.