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I got carried away. I’ve crossed the microscopic line of sharing personal frustration and teeter into the malicious territory. Belittling, despising, and defaming another person’s reputation behind their backs isn’t something I’m proud of. I was too eager to appear as someone in the know. In the heat of the moment, I passed on sarcasm and ridiculed information. It was none of my business, and my action was certainly non-empowering or encouraging in any way.
Gossiping is an insidious form of bullying. It creates divisiveness and causes damage to another's reputation. It matters not if the claims are technically accurate because they can become twisted and misrepresented in the rumor mill. Despite the apparent dark side of gossiping, it is practiced by people of all ages and is perceived as a relationship-building tool. It is socially considered one of life's most essential skills. A slew of articles and books advocate how we can do it creatively to reap the maximum benefits. What?
Make no mistake. Gossiping in any form is destructive. It hurts everyone involved in the process. There is nothing ethical about spreading negative information just so we could gain a sense of moral superiority. Or is it the entertaining element we're after, indulging in these shameful but oh-so-enjoyable little betrayals?
I am no saint. I have to tame down the urge to gossip just like everyone else. I never thought much about it until I considered the consequences. I refuse to hide behind the notion that this is an opportunity to access helpful information that could support my relationships or prevent potential threats to my social wellbeing. Is it worth losing my sense of self-respect and authenticity by going along with the flow and allowing others to determine the trajectory of my life?
Let's not sugarcoat the fact. Gossiping is toxic. If I take part in any form of negative conversation that aims to put another down through humiliation or insult, I am guilty. Apart from trying to make myself look good by gloating over someone else’s misfortunes, I truly have no justifiable excuse. If I let myself go, I’ll slowly lose my ability to manage my life and steer my ship.
I am cautious about my words. I care how it reflects my character and mirrors my personality. What does my action say about my values? Can I proudly claim I stand for integrity, respect, and dignity if I take delight in slandering another?
What kind of person I am to intentionally cause damage with my destructive speech? Should I reveal information that isn't mine to share? Do I really need to say something that isn’t helpful or constructive, even if it’s the truth? Does it make me all puffed up with pride and look like a hero defaming someone who is not present to defend their case? Under such circumstances, doesn’t it show that I am dishonest and cowardly because I’m not keen to confront the person or find out the truth?
Participating in any form of gossip makes me uncomfortable. That does not mean that I do not occasionally fall off the cliff and get tangled up in rumor-spreading and idle talk. I acted on the belief that venting negative emotions and stirring others up would resolve frustration, but experience has taught me otherwise. What starts innocently tends to exaggerate over time.
I feel guilty every time it happens and attempt to keep treading the golden path of righteousness. Of course, no one will appreciate or reward me for showing up as a goody two shoes, but I owe it to myself to do so. I intend to keep flexing my zero-tolerance muscles until I’m convinced that I’m better off addressing my defects than someone else’s. I want to feel better about myself and my behavior towards others.
Gossip is an overly broad topic. Unless I am strictly expected to abide by the rules in workplaces or gatherings that promote a no-gossip policy, there isn’t a restrictive definition of what gossip includes. I’ve heard people say their way of gossiping is to share worries and concerns in order to seek reassurance and support. Others would argue that so long as there is no erosion of trust and morale involved, the positive function of gossiping in establishing values is tolerable.
I speak for myself, identifying fine lines of what is or isn’t acceptable to cross. I don’t believe confrontation will get people to stop talking. People will say and hear what they want. It’s not up to me to manipulate anyone of their choices. The only person I can control is myself, and I intend to keep working toward becoming a better person. I recognize the best approach to avoid getting caught in a web of controversy is to keep my mouth shut.
I don’t always get it right, but self-reflection enables me to align my actions with who I am. The power to change my world lies within me.
As the saying goes, the people that are happy about their lives never talk about others. We're living in a fast-paced world where so much is happening. Isn't it ridiculous that we can't find anything other than someone else's business to amuse ourselves? Our words should ultimately add value to our lives. Let me know what you think. You might just touch someone with your words.
Take time to enjoy this week’s selected stories.
| HIGHLIGHTS |
We must accept that not everyone will have our backs when needed. It’s tough knowing those who say they love us would one day leave us questioning their loyalty and words. Not everyone will stay because that’s how life is.
There are battles we have to quit fighting and closed doors we need to abandon. It requires tremendous courage to admit what we hope for no longer stands. When life calls for a release, it is wise to accept it, even if it hurts. Hope in an unfavorable condition keeps us in disillusionment and defeat.
| FROM THE ARCHIVES |
Every time we hit a wall, we’d go around in circles trying to find a new strategy to overcome an old pattern or habit. What we need is not a new strategy but the willingness to cut ties with those patterns that no longer serve us.
Ignoring decisions because you can’t see your way through them means you inadvertently give up your power, which ironically becomes your choice.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to visit. I hope my words make a difference and add to your beautiful life. And… I’d love to hear from you. Come on over and say hi. You can find me on Medium, Twitter, and Substack. If you’re feeling generous, a cup of coffee would surely make my day!
Have a Purposeful Life Now!
So true my friend. Gossiping is never a great thing to do and I have often seen people who gossip a lot they lead a very negative and uninspiring life. I had this habit of saying it on the face and losing people lol. I still follow the same. My mother says what if someday someone kills you but I don't give a damn because I cannot lie to my soul.
“Gossiping in any form is destructive. It hurts everyone involved in the process.” This is so true. Yet often we fall prey to our disbelief because like you say we are no saint. The only thing we can do is to remind ourself every so often. Thanks for the reminder. I enjoy the read.