Photo by Samad Ismayilov on Pexels
I'm constantly on the verge of a never-ending healing journey. Each time I climbed out of the pit, I vowed to do better, only to find myself back on the beaten path — different versions of the same reality. My heart breaks a thousand times over in the process. But I was younger then.
I look forward to the day when I will gradually outgrow the pains in life. One day, with the accumulated knowledge and experiences, when I will have seen more of this world than I have now.
Does life get better as we increase in age? The portals of self-discoveries are endless. Over time, we surely ease into the greener side of the pasture by better understanding how the world works around us. With more experience and knowledge gained each passing year, we expect life to become more manageable when we grow up.
Grown-ups laugh effortlessly in the face of adversity when everyone around them is watching. They bask in sunrises and sunsets that quickly take their breath away. They do not hide their flaws because they have made peace with imperfection, knowing all is well with the world. Nothing surprises them.
Yes, growing up means growing wiser. Everything will finally make sense. Even when the world rumbles and roars, grown-ups hold themselves together. They don't act without thinking. They glide across the pavement of this harsh world like rainwater on a rooftop.
Grown-ups are not afraid of dark alleyways. They are spontaneous, dancing to the tune of their own songs. They get drunk on simplicity and nostalgia, living out each moment as the giddy currents of the winds blow the cobwebs from their soul. They hang on when life gets weird because they are confident that every season will pass.
As I complete another revolution around the sun, life continues with many unexpected turns. Do I have all the answers now that I'm older, or that life magically gets better because I'm wiser?
The truth is — grown-ups don't stop loving. We build a fire to keep warm from the times we've loved too hard and lost too much. To love means getting hurt over and over by the weight of things that are never ours to hold. When our hearts beat like thunder, and our souls pour through a thousand beads of rain, we love relentlessly.
Growing up means enduring dark nights alone, those that wrap around us tightly. We have no power to slay the beast, but we learn to protect the spirit. The snuffling in the hollows of our throats becomes like ripples, spreading out with each thought. In solitude, we transform into light. We become the very thing we need that is absent in our lives.
Growing up means we still wear the bruises from yesterday's battles. They don't just disappear. They become the cocoons that nurture our wounded souls and turn us into butterflies. We tread the paths toward healing in painful silence for words too hard to express. We wear thin on empty promises from those who do not know how to love us even when we've given everything we have.
There are always situations we can't change, people we can't transform, and storms we can't silence. We want so much for the pain to go away. We are often misplaced, helpless, fragile, and disoriented, but forgiving even when it feels impossible. Right there in the chaos of trouble, we watch the beauty unfold. Amid every dark cloud, we become the silver lining that makes peace with whatever that breaks us. In silence, we allow the lack, the gap, and the absence to take up space within us.
Older does not mean invincible. We get tired, often fumbling our way around. One word can shatter us into a million pieces, and one word can illuminate our world. Life still presents us with starless nights, empty hands, and mountains of grief. We never stop doubting our strength and questioning our purpose. Despite knowing we are enough, we still strive to do better.
Here I am continuing forward, older but not exempted. I become a pillar of endurance, a prisoner of hope, wiser but softer, broken but still singing. I realize that life doesn't get easier because roads will bend and cold winds will blow. Some days the tides will rise, and often the storms crash in.
During the blackest nights, I am thankful for the sky that changes color, flowers that grow through cracks, and every breath in between. I cling to fragments of hope, whispers of love, sunlight slivers, and kindness sprinkles. I carry on the only way I know how — in the timelessness of moments while getting lost in the pauses of nothingness.
The most fulfilling discovery in life is learning to be you. Your weakness could open the pathway to discovering new strengths. A problematic season prepares you for where you are going. There isn't a point in time when life gets easier. Instead, we become better equipped to deal with what we didn't know how to deal with prior.
Maybe that's just how it is. We adapt, we change, and we keep going. As we grow older each year, we should also grow up. Life doesn’t get better. We do. No matter how intense the pressure is, we must not allow it to diminish our ability to shine.
And shine, we shall.
♥♥♥
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