What If Winter Is Not A Place Outside?
Sadness is a consuming emotion but don't let it consume you
Photo by Alisa from Pexels
What if winter is not a place outside?
Instead, it’s my heart covered in white frosts, as if reality itself freezes in winter silence. The foggy clouds obscured my crystalline thoughts, repressing the whispers of my mind. White smokey air blurred every detail with its ragged veils on windy evenings.
As the silence grows deep, I listen to my inner yearnings abandoned like the ancient temples that are crumbling to ruins. My world is dissipating — gradually fading, concealed by the fog in the dismal sea…
Sadness, grief, and loss. These are all part of being human. It can hit suddenly like a storm that comes out of nowhere. Regardless of the cause, all of us experience sadness at varying degrees. No two people go through the exact same situation. There are no silly reasons for feeling sad.
Last year was likely the saddest year of my life. It was a strange feeling that was unlike any other I have experienced. Amid the lockdown, so many issues took place all at once. At work, with the family, and in my personal life. The impact was too much for me to handle. I was overwhelmed.
The conventional advice to help me cope with emotional breakdown did not work. Whenever I get hit, I lose myself completely. I fail to find comfort in anything. There wasn’t a playlist, a movie, a place, a hobby, or anyone I could confide in to make me feel better about myself. I can't think, write or function properly. Although I wanted to get out of that feeling, I could not find the strength to pull myself out. This condition went on for months.
This unpleasant experience taught me a great lesson. I understood how it feels like for someone to sink into depression and be in a place where no one else can reach. Often it is easy for us to look at someone from the outside and judge them, wondering why they can't just pull themselves together. We run our mouths without thinking, commenting that the reasons they feel that way are so insignificant. If they are wise, they will get over it. We fail to empathize.
During that period, I learned that while we may not always have the right words to say, the truth is we don’t always have to say anything. Sometimes the only thing someone needs to hear is that you love them, and they can count on you when needed. Too many words can do more harm than good.
I’m a highly sensitive introvert. That means the way I process my emotions may differ from you. I don’t open up easily, and that's okay. There is no right or wrong way, only what works best for you.
If you are going through difficult times, be gentle and be patient with yourself. I won’t tell you the pain comes because there is a lesson to learn, and I certainly will not tell you it will eventually go away. You probably know this already without someone giving you this useless advice.
All I can say is, take one day at a time. Don’t plan too far ahead. One small step, that's all it takes. Handle what is in front of you at the moment. When you complete that, think of the next. For me, just getting through the day without falling was a monumental accomplishment. If you're struggling, don’t worry about tomorrow now. You got this.
Here are this week’s stories that reflect my journey. I hope you will enjoy it.
| HIGHLIGHTS |
It’s true that eventually, we discover the lessons hidden behind the drama. But that only happens when the dust settles, when I finally come to the end of myself, accepting and coming to grips with what happened.
A short-form prose poem about learning to let go when it doesn’t make sense.
By treating me carelessly, you made me realize I deserve so much more. I learned to love myself in a way you never could. I treasured my imperfections and valued my quirky ways because they prove who I am. The scars I wore represented what I overcame and survived. Although I can’t mend my broken pieces, I am proud of them because they made me glitter like diamonds.
The problem isn’t ignorance. If we’re honest with ourselves, we are fully aware of the circumstances we must embrace. It’s the denial, the refusal to accept that it is what it is right now. We fight to wrestle with reality and bawl ourselves out. As though if we cry hard enough and wail loud enough, the universe might shift its course on a whim. But we know better than that.
| FROM THE ARCHIVES |
Despite the internal pressure, the external remains lifeless. Your brain is telling you you’re going to die. But you don’t care. You can’t help yourself. The tears form a gentle stream. The cork couldn’t hold its place any longer.
The amazing thing about the future is that you step into a level playing field. No one has a hold on it, no one can tell you what you can or cannot do. No one can tell you how it’s going to turn out, because no one knows. You become the master craftsman for what you’re going to build. You decide how far you want to go and how deep you want to dive.
♥♥♥
As we're celebrating love in this month of February, I hope you give yourself, first and foremost the gift of love. Remember it's only when your cup is full that you can pour into others.
That’s it for this week. I’ll catch you again real soon. In the meantime, you can find me on Medium, Twitter, Substack, or you can make my day by buying me a cup of coffee.
Have a Purposeful Life Now!